Anita Joyce Cabadas – In Loving Memory

Anita Joyce – named “Anita” after our paternal Grandmother Anna Chuda – a farmer’s daughter from a village in what is now Western Ukraine –  and “Joyce” after our Mother Elsie – also a farmer’s daughter from Snover up in the Thumb – spent her adult life caring for others, including the sick, the elderly, and ironically the terminally ill in hospice care – both strangers and family – including her husband Jose´  as well as both of our parents Elsie and Paul, all while raising three beautiful, creative, and talented children.

Visiting Anita during her years at “The Village” – while much too infrequent  – could turn into an adventure as we found out during our initial sojourn to see her.  We had gone out for a brunch at a local restaurant and upon returning Anita had trouble getting her security pass to work at the access door to the facility.  Either it was invalid or she wasn’t positioning it properly so it could be read by the sensor.

I made an attempt to take the key card from her but she shoved it back in her purse and said:  “I know another way in.  Follow me.”  And off she went down the sidewalk – all of us in tow – toward a freight loading dock where we ascended a flight of concrete steps and continued on through a storage area and its access door leading to residency levels of the building.  “Loss of cognitive thinking” aside, Anita was still smart enough to figure out how to bypass the Village’s security measures and get back to her room.  So much for access key card safeguards!

Plus – during our most recent visit with Anita in 2023 – David, John and I were warned by both Erin and Carrie that – before we entered the Assisted Living access elevator –  to make sure that she couldn’t see the elevator access code because once she knew it she might try to free herself from the confines of the Village Assisted Living area.

“Freedom’s just another word for Nothing Left to Lose.”

This just brings home – especially to us Seniors – the absolute need and complete lack of affordable elder care in our country.  In a recent article published in the San Francisco Chronicle titled “Lack of Eldercare Is Unconscionable“, its author Courtney Martin points out:

“By 2050 the number of Americans with Alzheimer’s and dementia will nearly double.  That’s twice the weight on a system that can’t even be called a system.”

Anita was – how can I say it – fortunate to have the care and support she needed right up to the end [including $4,000 for an ambulance ride to the hospital].  Un-fortunately  there are – and will be – millions of us [140 million est.] who will not be so lucky.  But DGMS.

There’s also a family anecdote related to our mother Elsie’s passing – which also happened just prior to the Christmas holidays.  Ma loved making pies – apple, pumpkin, lemon meringue – you name it.  She also loved eating them as well.  According to Anita, during one of her last meals taken at her assisted living site [which Ma referred to as “The Prison”], Ma was served a slice of banana cream pie.  After thoroughly savoring every last crumb of this delectable dessert, she put her fork down on the plate and declared:

“When I die i want a piede of this pie buried with me.”

…or words to that effect.  So what happened prior to her interment later that Spring? Anita made sure a slice of banana cream pie was placed in the urn with Ma’s ashes. True story.

I’m told Anita was an honors graduate in high school – much to the awe and admiration of more than a few of us – and most recently was honored by her peers for her years of service by being awarded the Beaumont Hospice Certificate:  

“in recognition for your years of dedicated service to the profession of nursing, for your compassion and dedication to patient care, and for choosing to spend your life caring for the needs of others”.

And that she did.

I recently checked my snail mail box and in it was the card I had sent Anita for her 78th birthday last November 13th.  The envelope was labeled:

“Return to Sender – Attempted – Not Known – Unable to Forward”.

So I concluded that either I had the wrong address or that Anita may have been moved to another unit – perhaps into hospice care – before the postage date.  I recall she sometimes jokingly claimed she was born on a Friday – the Friday the 13th meme of course.  But her actual calendar “birth day” had fallen on a Wednesday in 1946.

Part of the message I’d inserted in the card had to do with how my penmanship for letters and greetings cards was often indecipherable – even my signature – especially when compared to Ma’s which was flawless, with no spelling errors or un-dotted “i”s or un-crossed “t”s.   And now we just send text messages – relying on AI algorithms to correct any errors.  So… my handwriting will likely never get any better.  Right?

Anyway, my message closed with the following:

“Mom.  I miss her, and you…..and the hugs and the kisses and the Birthday Cakes and Candles.

I hope and pray that you are safe and warm in these challenging times. Birthdays are all about celebrating one’s heritage with family and loved ones.  They certainly are for me and I miss doing so with you – both on your special day and every day.  I love you!”

[A short note about the pictures posted here: Clicking on a photo will expand it to full size [techies call this a “Lightbox effect”].  To close the Lightbox click the “X” in the upper right corner of the picture.]

One of the earliest photos of Nita – which we received courtesy of Cousin Barry – was taken circa 1948 by Barry’s father Peter in the backyard of Dad and Mon’s first house in Detroit – 14472 Cedargrove shortly after our family moved there from Croswell where Anita was born in late 1946.

Pictured in this photo are Uncle Pete’s wife Mae [center] seated on a kid’s wagon.  Directly behind her is our Aunt Estelle standing next to her brother – Daddy Paul – who’s holding a bottle of beer in his hand while to his left attempting to get back in her baby carriage  is Anita – aged two [or so].

Soon – as sibling O.G. – I was ultimately assigned the enviable task of holding my younger siblings – securely in my lap – while we were positioned for the family portraits taken by our erstwhile shutterbug father to document – for each family celebration, be it a holiday, graduation day, birthday, vacation, or reunion.

None of the other sibs seemed to mind including Nita who appeared to enjoy posing for Papa no matter the occasion especially if she got to wear a new dress and as she got older – even a pair of “bobby sox”.  Hey.  This pampering and posing made us all feel like we were special – a fidgeting, frolicking family of fledgling movie stars and none of us shone brighter than Nita –  especially with a captivating smile that would light up our world in an instant.  All you had to do was was call out her name – “Nita”.  Or as Brother Dave nicknamed her “Neetz”.

Here’s one taken a few years later – circa 1950 out on the”front yard” that summer.

It had to be on a Sunday ’cause Nita was wearing a dress and P.J. and I were all dressed up to the “Nines” or maybe just an Eight and a Half.

Notice there are no cars on the street.  Every house had a garage and a back yard to park cars in.  We even used to play baseball down the block where at the cross street intersection with Cedargrove, the four corners of the sidewalk served as home plate and bases.

But no sliding was allowed and you had to watch out for occasional traffic – especially the Good Humor Ice Cream truck.

Each summer – or so it seemed  –  Ma and Dad would load us all into the Ford station wagon – with Dave in front seated between them and the rest of us spread out in the back around the luggage – which in later years was strapped to a rack atop the car’s roof – and head North up Route 27 into lake country – our favorite destination being Glen Lake located near the tip of “The Mitten” with access to  the Sleeping Bear Sand Dune near Lake Michigan.

Above is a photo taken sometime in the late 1950’s with Ma and “The Brood” seated on a surfboard afloat in the shallows of Lake Michigan near the beach with Brother Dave secured in my lap and Nita at the helm – paddle in her hands!

Below is another photo taken on the dock at Glen Lake a few years later – probably by camera bug Marty Schultz – with the whole family in the picture – including Dad.

This photo – taken ca. 1959 in the backyard on Kinmore Court – most likely marking Nita’s graduation from Grade School – features she with  brothers John, Dave, and Dan each holding a kitten or cat!!  Meow!

Now Dave is seen here even tickling the cat’s belly which – if you’ve ever had a cat as a pet – you absolutely never do or you risk getting bitten or at least scratched.  Seriously.

But Dave turned out to be a true “cat person”.  Just ask him.

Here’s another classic siblings portrait – taken on a summer Sunday on Kinmore Court with Nita and I positioned as photo bookends.

Nita is striking a pose resplendent in bobby socks with a fashionable haute couture blue dress of the era.

The rest of us are decked out in sport coats and ties – hand-me-downs likely – and arranged by height, while Dave photobombs [maybe it was either his or P.J.’s birthday] – circa 1960.

This classic portrait was taken after Nita & Joe’s wedding in 1965.  Talk about family.  Not only are Mom & Dad and all of us siblings in the shot, but seated to Mom’s right is Gramma Anna Chuda Babiy whose granddaughters Anita and Anne Spearman, seated together at Mom’s left – are both named after.

Plus, standing directly behind Mom is Dad’s sister our Aunt Estelle Spearman and to Dad’s left standing is Mom’s eldest sister our Aunt Mary Rogers.

And all of us were truly dressed to the nines.

A word about the Feature Image and the one posted here. They were taken during the Summer of 1983 at a pool party celebrating the marriage of cousin James Davidson to his wife Cheryl the day before.

It marked the last time we had a gathering of the Babij/Blashill extended family clans that was attended by most of the living siblings/cousins, including all of the Davidsons – Mary Kay and her husband Art Basil; Susan and husband Jerry List – a former star athlete who suffered from MS; Lorna; Mark; plus James and bride Cheryl of course.

Also in attendance were Mom’s sister Mabel and her son Richard “Dick” Van Conant and all of us Babij’s [or should I say “Babiy’s” – but perhaps that’s for another story].

Mom and Dad were there as well as; brother Paul Jay and wife Patricia with their children Bryan, Todd, and Jonathan; plus brother Dan and then wife Karen with daughter Krystn.

Brother John was present together with Anita, husband Joseph “Jose” Cabadas, son Joseph “Joselito”, as well as daughters Carrie Ann and Erin whom together became the life of the party at one point  – taking over the pool itself including its slide.

You can view a slideshow showcasing this 1983 event by clicking the link provided here.  Also we have also posted two photo galleries dedicated in loving memory to our beloved sister Anita.  See the button links below.

It’s May of 1991 – and our parents are celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary.

So we’re visiting Joe and Nita at their Warren Avenue digs and Joe manages to coax us into posing – right to left by age – for another family photo op.

Then there were birthdays.  Here’s a video compiled by Brother John shot in 2010 in celebration of Nita’s 64th. Just click on the image above.

In 2013 Anita and Joe visited us in San Francisco where they were able to tour Napa Valley and its wineries;  walk among the giant redwoods in Muir Woods; take a Ferry Ride on the Bay cruising under the Golden Gate Bridge and past Alcatraz;  and pose for picture vistas from the Palace of Fine Arts, Land’s End, and Twin Peaks.  I mean we locals never do this except when family or friends visit.

You can view the video by clicking the image above.

It’s the Summer of 2016 and the clan is gathering for Kim and Jessie Long’s wedding near Saint Clair.  John and I stop by Anita and Joe’s to visit along with Carrie & Scott Caillouette and their daughters Noelle and Madeline and pose for a quickie.

Anita and I at a Northville restaurant on her birthday in 2017.  She is holding a pashmina shawl gifted to her by my partner Marcia Anderson.

I had recently come back home from  Florida where I met up with both brother Paul and wife Pat – as well as cousin Anne Chavez –  where we had piled into a car and driven South to Fort Myers for a visit with Anne’s mom – our Aunt Estelle – whom at the time was 90 years old.

You can check our our video posts  Baika and The Tryzub Tales documenting both of these events.

Earlier that year I had traveled to Eastern Europe  – first alone to Ukraine where I’d secured the services of a tour guide – Diana Borysenko – whom had taken me to our Babiy ancestral villages in the Terebovlia region of Ternopil Oblast where we searched the local cemeteries for family tombs, met with the town school master, and visited the State Archive in Ternopil.

In those archives we were able to find the birth record for our paternal Grandfather John [Ivan] Babij [Babiy] – photos of which I wanted to share with Aunt Estelle – and everyone.  Hence the trip to Florida and the dinner in Northville.

Our other Eastern European destination was with Marcia, her daughter Artemis and her husband Sabin to his home town in Romania during which Sabin and his father took us on a week-long tour of Transylvania and many of its historical sites including Bran’s Castle – the alleged home of Vlad The Impaler.   You can check out our video Tara Romaneasca and several galleries of the visit by clicking the highlighted links in that video post text.

Just got this message from the  “A Tree To Remember” folks.  We had elected to have a tree planted in the Michigan State Forest as a memorial for Anita and – it has – in the U.P.!

Check out the photo and text of the message.

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